If I Could, Well I Would...
by Rhiannon Deschain
Summary: What if Sirius had not convinced James to make Peter Secret Keeper? This is different! Please R/R More coming soon.


...Turn Back Time...  
  
  
  
Pacing around my house, I wondered if I was late. I finally decided to apparate. I found myself before a large house. I smiled. Knocking on the heavy wooden door. I worried that I was early. Then, James opened the door.  
  
"Ah! For once, on time Padfoot! Come in." He said grinning.  
  
I grinned back. I was here for a reason neither of us wanted to come to grips with, but we had to do it. "Sirius, your my best friend... You know I want you as my Secret-Keeper." James was saying. I shifted nervously. "You know I would give my life for you James.. Your like a brother to me. I just don't know..." I said, the thoughts had been plaguing me for months now. Deep down, as much as I hated to admit it, I thought Remus was the spy. We hadn't spoke to him in what seemed like ages, but had only been months. Just when the thought of Voldemort coming for the Potter's had become a grim reality. Why hadn't he kept in touch? Peter had, why hadn't he? They had already sent Peter to where he would be safe, they couldn't get a hold of Remus and now he was to be the Secret-Keeper. Things changed so quickly. James looked puzzled. "Sirius, are you sure your alright?" he asked carefully. I shook my head. "Nevermind it. I'll do it." I said with my usual grin. "Great. Well," He said with a cough. "I think I'd better get Lily's opin-" then he stopped, seeing me stare over his shoulder.  
  
"She's right behind me isn't she?" he said in a slow, matter-of-fact voice.  
  
I nodded, grinning. James turned around in his chair. Behind him, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, was Lily. Little Harry was in her arms, tiny hands entwining themselves into her long red hair. Her bright green eyes glittered back at them.  
  
"That's right. I knew it would hit you." she said with a smile.  
  
Something in the kitchen began to smoke.  
  
"OH NO!! Take him a minute James!" And she thrust Harry quickly at James and darted into the kitchen.  
  
We sat watching her scurry around the kitchen. Harry looked up at James. Then, one tiny hand suddenly shot up and grabbed his father's glasses. Off they came. Harry squealed happily as he played with them. I could not stop myself. I burst out laughing. Harry immediately stopped playing with the glasses. He fixed his gaze on me. When his eyes got me in focus, he cooed happily again and held his arms out to me. Puzzled, I looked at James. He smiled and gently took his glasses back.  
  
"Well, he wants you. Go ahead Harry." And James gently picked up his son and handed him to me.  
  
"Huh?! James, I've never held a baby before!" I yelped, taking Harry as gently as I could as .  
  
James chuckled and shook his head.  
  
"Hosh-posh. Look, your doing fine." he replied, his eyes shining amusedly.  
  
Harry cocked his head at the sound of his father's voice, then, without warning, grabbed a hold of my hair. Now, I had not cut it recently, but I mean, it wasn't that long. But Harry had definitely gotten a hold of it.  
  
"Yiikkee!" I cried out.  
  
And Harry released my hair, his brilliant green eyes looking dismayed.  
  
"It's alright squirt, but easy on the hair next time. Alright?" I said softly.  
  
He cooed again. Soon, Lily returned, whatever had been smoking earlier, now taken care of.  
  
"Ok, I think James' idea was great; you being Secret Keeper. You'll do fine. Now, let me get him into bed. I'll see you all later." She said quickly, smiling at them, then walking slowly off with Harry.  
  
"James. Wait, I have an idea." I said.  
  
James cocked his head, as well as one eyebrow.  
  
"Alright, out with it."  
  
"Well, wouldn't Voldemort expect me to be the Secret Keeper?"  
  
James thought a moment.  
  
"I suppose so. But what does that matter. You afraid you can't keep a secret?" He asked warily, almost afraid to ask.  
  
"No! No, no not at all. I can and will keep the secret, you know I would die rather then betray you. But who would expect someone else? Throw them off." I said seriously.  
  
"Right. Go on, who?"  
  
"Peter. He's the quietest and least susceptible...." I rambled on then stopped.  
  
The pit of my stomach grew cold and dropped. I had a feeling of impending doom over me like a ton of lead. Something was wrong. Something told me my idea was not as it seemed.  
  
"You have a point-." James began but I cut him off.  
  
"Never mind, you don't have to. I was rambling again. Forget it. I just guess I got nervous. I'll be the Secret-Keeper." I said, perhaps too quickly.  
  
James watched me curiously. Lily came downstairs.  
  
"He's asleep. Ready to do the charm?"  
  
James and I nodded.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*10 Years Later: Kings Cross Station*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Harry? Harry get back here!!" Lily yelled.  
  
Harry skidded to a stop. He ran back to his mother. His face flushed, eyes bright, he beamed up at her.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Now, come on. Give me and your dad a kiss goodbye."  
  
Harry obliged. He kissed his mother, then hugged his father, who ruffled his sons untidy hair from his clean, unmarked brow.  
  
"Now, be good. Go on with Uncle Sirius." He told Harry.  
  
He nodded and pushed his stuff toward me. Of course I wasn't his real uncle, only his godfather, but ever since he was young, he insisted on calling me 'Uncle'. It stuck.  
  
"Alright, come along." I chuckled and led Harry to the pillar between Platforms 9 and 10.  
  
"Now, I want you to watch me and then follow. OK?"  
  
"OK. But, will Aeries get hurt?" Harry asked, referring to his tawny horn owl. I smiled.  
  
"Nope. Now, watch closely."  
  
Then I strode right to the pillar...and through it. As I arrived on the other side, I remembered my first year aboard the Hogwarts Express scarlet steam engine. When I met Lily, James, Remus...and Peter. I added ruefully. Soon Harry clattered up behind me.  
  
"Oh WOW!!!" Harry exclaimed excitedly.  
  
Then, he met up with Seamus, Ron, Dean, and Hermione; friends he met in Diagon Alley last week. I smiled again.  
  
"What, no goodbye?" I asked in a feigned hurt voice.  
  
He grinned, leaving his cart behind, and jogged up.  
  
"G'Bye Uncle Sirius." He said as her hugged me around my middle.  
  
I chuckled and hugged him back.  
  
"That's better. And, even if you are related to and have been around marauders all our life; please manage not to get into too much trouble, eh?" I said, trying to act serious.  
  
Harry looked up again, his bright green eyes shining happily, untidy black hair falling back from a clear brow.. or was it clear? As if an invisible hand with an invisible knife were cutting it, a long, jagged, deep cut jerked its way across his forehead.  
  
"Harry!!!" I exclaimed.  
  
Harry looked puzzled.  
  
"What?"  
  
There was a flash of light and the cut became a lightning shaped scar. I clutched his shoulders sharply. From the pillar, the smallest glint of light gleamed green. Shrieks came from the other side. Instinctively I put myself in front of Harry.  
  
"Lily, James!" I screamed, but got no reply.  
  
I ran to the pillar only to find it solid. I pounded it with my fists and cursed. Peter's laughter echoed back to me from the other side.  
  
"How Peter, how!" I yelled in rage.  
  
The laughter ebbed  
  
"You were the one who made me Secret Keeper, remember? What an idea."  
  
My eyes widened and the shrieking became louder, louder, louder...I pounded the pillar harder...  
  
...The shriek was still there.  
  
"ARGH!!!" I cried and struck the cave's hard floor.  
  
Buckbeak flapped his wings and shrieked loudly at my sudden fit. I wearily opened my eyes. Yes, still in the cold hide-out cave, with Buckbeak no less. I rubbed my sore fists and the hippogryph settled down.  
  
"I'll never forgive you Peter. For as long as I live. Look at how many lives you have ruined. Can't you see what you've done?" I asked angrily to Peter, even though he wasn't there. What I have done.. I thought bitterly. With a heavy sigh, I rolled back over and prayer that I would have no more dreams of what might have been... 


End file.
